Friday, October 2, 2009

Back in the Saddle Again

I can hardly believe how quickly the weeks fly by! No sooner do I get on here and post and then it's time to post again. There are so many things I want to post on here, so many things going on that I haven't posted yet; and it's all jumbled up in my brain.
This week started off with church on Sunday, of course. It was very difficult to sit in church and not see Bro. Harold in his usual spot in the back section. For those of you who don't know, Bro. Harold is a very sweet man in our church. (sometimes he's ornery though =) ) For instance, we will be singing a congregational and think we are finished at the last verse, and Bro. Harold will start singing either an additional verse he knows, or sometimes he'll repeat the chorus. Our son loved him just because he always carried candy in his pocket and would not let us leave the building until he had given Jake his candy. Recently, Bro. Harold fell and broke his hip. This led to surgery, his heart stopping, and then a coma. He was gone just like that! So we had the viewing and funeral this past Monday and Tuesday. I thought it was a good thing that he would be at the same cemetery as Grant until I got there. As soon as I got out of the car I felt sick to my stomach-- too many memories. You would think I'd be used to it though, since the cemetery has now become our second home so to speak. Thankfully, Harold's viewing was in a different building then the one Grant had been in or I don't think I could have found the courage to walk in there. The bright side, I guess, is that Bro. Harold and Grant are together, in more ways than one. Their earthly bodies rest in the same place, as do their heavenly bodies. Jacob hopes that Bro. Harold has fun playing with Grant, and that he gives Grant some candy too. How sweet is my boy for saying that!!

After the funeral, I had a doctor's appointment. Long story short, I have found myself a new doctor. One who is pro-life, and actually acts like he cares that we've had a stillbirth. I interviewed him thoroughly on my first visit, and really felt like he was on board to help us. He immediately had me do a TON of bloodwork, checking for reasons we are not conceiving, ie hormone levels, etc. and he also wanted to check some genetic things to see if it would be possible to prevent what happened to Grant from happening again. So basically, my appointment the other day was to get my labs back and see what's going on, or actually in my case, what's NOT going on. The labs showed two things, one of which was a low thyroid. I had this problem before I conceived Jake too and was put on medication right before we did the IVF. If nothing else, I hope that the medication I am on now will get rid of the hair loss I've been experiencing. Otherwise, I'll be in the market for a wig soon. =)

Second issue-- I have a gene mutation known as MTHFR. Look closely at that abbreviation...I am not a person of profanity, mind you, but that resembles some, don't you think? It figures that would be the kind of diagnosis I would get!! (trying to find some humor here)
I do not understand it all, and am still researching it, but basically, it is a blood clotting disorder. MTHFR stands for Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase- try saying that one even just once! Apparently my blood tends to clot a lot. The doctor said that this may or may not have contributed to the stillbirth as well, and would also explain why I've always got placenta issues when I'm pregnant. Nobody knows for sure if it contributes to infertility or not, so at this point nothing can really be done about it. If I should get pregnant again, and ladies and gentlemen, that is a HUGE "if", I would need Heparin Shots and Progesterone. (nothing new here, my whole reproductive life has consisted of shots and progesterone so I'm used to it, no big deal.)

So, for the most part that was it and I picked up my meds and went home. I really felt weird, didn't know whether to be relieved or angry. Relieved I got some answers, but still angry that we have to go through so much just to have what everyone else has in two seconds flat. If I had the $35,000 it takes to adopt a child, I would do it TODAY, just so I could be done with it all. We no longer care where our children come from, it could be biologically, adopted, fostered, whatever, where ever, we just want another child. One who is living and breathing on this earth, preferably. And while no other child will ever replace the beautiful boy we lost, I think another child would help us so much in our healing process, and most definitely help to give Jacob the sibling he so longs for.

So for this week, you can pray to that end. But most importantly, please pray for Bro. Harold's family- Paula, Carol, Butch, and the rest of the Daniel family.
I think my next post will consist of several prayer requests that have been on my heart. There is so much pain and suffering going on, and much more that we don't know about, I am sure. The best way to be able to get through our own suffering, is to follow the command of Christ " Bear ye one another's burdens. " Every time I am praying for someone else, or helping someone else, my own pain doesn't feel so bad. So I encourage you to keep praying, every day, all the day. Until next post...have a wonderful weekend!

1 comment:

  1. That is the exact gene mutation that I have except I have a double mutation of the mthfr genes which means that not only do I have clotting issues I also do not absorb folic acid properly. My dr said that I dont have to do heprin shots, thank goodness, but I do have to take asa daily from now on and a high dose of the folic acid b complex during pregnacy. I got the same answers about them being unsure if that was the cause if the abruption or not, but its nice to at least have an idea. If you turn up any info in your research please let me know if you wouldnt mind. Im sorry to here about your friends passing.


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