I know I have LOTS of catching up to do on this blog; however, today I felt like writing about the little baby we lost. December belongs to Miracle- he/she was due this month, so I will dedicate this month and this post to him/her. Spring pictures last school year came in and as a teacher's aid I was trying to help my coworker remember to pass them out to the parents when they came to pick up their children that afternoon. At some point, she had to leave the room for some reason so when the next parent came in I picked up his child's picture packet and handed it to him. His words brought tears to my eyes: "Aww! My little princess!" After he left with his little girl I went into the restroom to compose myself and I remember thinking "I wish I could give my husband a little princess. Lord, can we have just one more biological baby? Please? Just one and I won't ask anymore". After that, I didn't think much of it again. A few weeks later (I believe this was end of March 2012)I began having weird symptoms- the first was a strange rash on my arms, legs, and belly. Noone was really sure what it was and eventually it went away. Soon, I began developing other symptoms- fatigue like I've never known before, and nausea. And then one day it hit me while watching the kids on the playground- I called for someone to come outside and relieve me and then I proceeded to run to the bathroom where I vomited in the sink. It never occurred to me that I might be pregnant until a friend of mine at work suggested I take a pregnancy test. I waited a few extra days just to be "extra sure" and that Saturday morning I woke up so sick and I just knew that that was what it was. I sent Kris to Walgreens for a test and because those things usually say "negative" for me, Kris didn't stick around to hear the results. In fact, he handed me the box and went for his shower. (Gee thanks for the support, Honey) :) A few minutes later I was staring at a postitive test in my hand. Was this the answer to the prayer I had prayed in the school restroom? It had to be!! I ran to the other bathroom and shoved the shower door open and stuck that test right in my husband's face and said "Look!" He smiled slowly, and I could tell that he was as scared as I was. After you have lost a baby, being told that you're pregnant really means nothing. A positive pregnancy test does not necessarily mean that you are having a baby in nine months. You are no longer naive and feel that you can just expect that everything will go fine. So that day, as we looked at the pregnancy test, we were scared. SCARED TO DEATH.
3 weeks ago