Waiting for the light

I am dedicating this entry today to a wonderful lady in our church, whom we lovingly call "Miss Rosie". Miss Rosie loves kids, especially the younger ones. In fact, Jake doesn't like to leave church until he sees Miss Rosie. Why? Because she gives out smarties. And if she's run out of smarties, she will dig around in her purse until she finds something to give him. I myself love her because she is always the same- gives a hug, a smile, and a genuine "how are you doing?". She was the first person to hug me when I came back to church after losing Grant. All I could do was cry and she said "It's all right. It's just going to take time, honey."

Miss Rosie lost her son today. Oh, it wasn't a huge surprise, he had cancer and recently had to go back to hospice care. Miss Rosie is a strong woman, but I saw tears in her eyes as she let me know that he didn't have long. As I looked into her eyes, I saw the familiar pain that I've seen in my own eyes- the pain of loss. The pain of losing a child. And in that moment, I knew that it didn't matter how old he was- newborn or 50- he was HER child and the pain was the same. I hope that you who read this blog will offer her and her family up in your prayers tonight- and in the weeks to come. I hope that I can be the encouraging friend that she always is to me.

I came across something in a devotional book the other day and wanted to share it with you. These days I haven't been able to make much sense of anything, but as I read through this, I had to stop and read it again. In fact, I reread it three or four times.
"A soul that is patient waits with calm endurance for light before acting, and in virtue of this calm and patient endurance suffers no pain or anxiety, because the soul possesses itself and waits for light; and when the mind waits patiently for light, sooner or later it is sure to come. Trials of mind affect us more deeply than pains of body, and if we give way to anxiety such trials become troubles, and are immensely increased. But this cannot happen to those patient souls, who feel that they are in the hands of God and are encircled with His fatherly providence, and that all things are in His disposal. When we see not our way through some trial or difficulty, we have only to look to God, and to wait in patience and in due time His light will come and guide us. This very attitude of waiting, this very patience of expecting, will dispose the mind to receive, and the will to rightly use, the needful light. Whenever you are perplexed as to what course you should take, if you go blindly into action you will be sure to repent it. Wait for light, wait for patience, and light will not fail you. "
William Bernard Ullathorne, taken from "Joy and Strength", by Mary Wilder Tileston.

All I know is that everything has been so dark since Grant left us. What I got from this message is that just as the Bible says "The Lord my God will enlighten my darkness," He will do it if I patiently wait for it. I do NOT feel very patient at this moment- or really any moment of my life if I'm really honest. Waiting has never been a winning trait of mine. But what encourages me, is not only do I wait, but I wait with expectance- expectance that He will send His light. We must wait with quiet patience and see what He will do, and expecting Him to do it. If I give way to my anger and bitterness over what has happened, my troubles will be worse. I realize I sometimes ramble, and I apologize- but talking through things seems to help make this trial a little more bearable. However, it is my intent and my prayer that sharing these things with you will maybe touch a part of your life, and help you through whatever times of darkness you may be called upon to endure in the future.

Thank you, Miss Rosie, for being a part of my "light." May God bless you and your family, and it comforts me to know that maybe Dirk will check in on our little Grant from time to time.