Part 2 of Day 5 and 4

I am thankful for my life. Did you know that the average person takes approximately 23,000 breaths a day? Think about this- you breathe in, and you breathe out- 23,000 times a day! Isn't that just miraculous?! We certainly have an awesome Creator!

In the days and weeks following our son's death, there were times that I actually prayed for my life to be over. When you lose a child, you just want to go with him/her; you do not want to go through one more minute of the horror you find yourself in. However, as time passes, you slowly begin to live again- you learn to sleep without a sleep aid again, you learn to eat a full meal and actually taste it and enjoy it; you learn to get out of bed in the morning and shower and dress and take care of your living children and your husband again. As you look into the eyes of your family that remains, you see and remember just how short and how precious that life really is. And eventually, you come to realize that you do want to live, not just for their sake, but for your own.

Life- 23,000 breaths a day. How do you want to spend YOUR life? I asked myself this question this past Sunday; and I decided that I do not want to spend my life being miserable. Does this mean I cannot miss my son, or long to hold him or see him? Of course not!! What it means, is that I can have the freedom to live again, to be happy again, and to understand that Grant would never want his parents to be miserable because he died.
I do not want to spend this life fighting with my husband over silly things, or wasting time at the computer instead of playing with my son. I do not want to live this life just for myself; but rather, for others, and for God.

I am certain that this will not happen overnight. But with prayer, and perserverance, and the understanding that "I can do ALL things through Christ which strengtheneth me", all these things can be accomplished.