Mother's Day

This Mother's Day brings mixed emotions.  I am filled with joy that after years of fertility treatments- I am now a Mom.  Everytime I look at my son and the miracle he is, my heart swells with pride and love. I am grateful to the doctors who helped us and made it possible for our son to be here on this earth- for they are our angels in disguise.  I think of our Creator, who loves us, and knows the desires of our heart- how he saw this woman on her knees begging for a child and He answered!  He answered "yes" and gave us Jacob Kristopher- the absolute light and joy of our lives.

In spite of the joy, this Mother's Day is also bittersweet.  For two years ago on this very day, I spent Mother's Day with both of my boys- alive...together and side by side as Jacob would yell at this brother through my belly. How fun was it to feel Grant give me a very forceful kick in response to his brother's yelling.  We were family- connected by love.

And now- we are separated.  Separated because Death swooped down and took our little boy from us.  Our hearts ripped from our bodies in one quick second when we realized the fate of our son.  But today, as I sit here with my thoughts of reflection, I see that I still have much to be thankful for.  I am a mother when I thought I never would be.  Each of my sons came to me in different ways; and each of my sons live in different ways.  One of my sons lives with me on this earth- I feel his hugs and kisses every single day.  He holds my hand and has a piece of my heart. My other son soars above me high in the heavens- I feel his presence in everything that I do. He holds the hand of Jesus and sings with the angels.
And best of all, he is ALIVE.  He is more alive than we are; and one day soon he will come running down those streets of gold as we are reunited once again.

This is what Mother's Day means to me- it's not about being waited on hand and foot, or receiving gifts, and cards, and flowers. It's about my love for my children- BOTH of them.

"A mother holds the hands of her children for a little while; but holds their hearts forever."