Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Small Request

If you have been wondering why I took down the adoption update post, it's because of some email as well as some Facebook comments I received citing some opinions which I thought offensive and judgmental.  It was so upsetting that I contemplated deleting my whole blog.
Maybe I need to have thicker skin- I don't know. But I have decided to keep the blog; for it has been my saving grace these last two years of my grieving and healing process. I NEED to write- it helps me gleen some perspective on an otherwise senseless situation.

I will ask of my readers that from now on, if you are bothered or offended by something I have written, please leave.  You are not obligated in any way to read my blog. I cannot deal with any more stress than what has already been handed to me in this life.  At this time, I need loving, supportive people who will continue to walk with me on this journey of pain and ultimately the healing that that needs to happen in my life.  Please do not email your judgments and then tell me that it is with love and concern that you email them.
Or as Judge Judy says, "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining." And let me just throw this out there- anyone who thinks that they would be content with just having one child is a liar. Every mom I know wants at least two children, so that the firstborn can have someone to grow up with. I find it almost funny that those who take on this attitude toward me are those who have multiple children. Before you tell me to be content and thankful for what I have, ask yourself this question: "What if it happened to ME?" and.."How would that make ME feel?" There would be a lot less hurt people in the world if we would all ask this question before we lended our "two cents."  And just so there is never again any question- I AM thankful for Jacob. But...I wanted my second child too, just like all of you wanted ALL of your children.  And Jacob wanted his brother.  And now, he wants very much to have a sister.

Grief and grief recovery is a long, difficult journey. Moving forward isn't always easy and one must remember that it comes with time. The only way for one to deal with the grief and recovery is to go through it, as raw and painful as it is for those who are on the sidelines.
People are uncomfortable with other's hurts and sorrows; people don't want to be around someone who is sad. That is unfortunate because these are the very people our Father in Heaven wanted to be around all the time.  Though I miss my son very much, I would not EVER trade in a million years the lessons that death and sorrow have taught me.  For they have made me a better person; they have made me seek out those who are hurting- NOT to criticize them, but to tell them I am SORRY and to see what it is I can do to make their pain easier to bear.

If only the world could turn criticism into love or ways to help others. Instead of telling me that maybe I should be prepared to accept the fact that I will never have any more children, maybe that person should donate to our cause and then we would actually GET another baby.  This may seem harsh; I don't know- but I have just had it with folks who feel they can say whatever they want yet never lift a finger to help.

The Bible says, "Bear ye one another's burdens; in doing so, ye have fulfilled the law of Christ." Please, just tell us you love us; tell us you are sorry that we lost our child. Tell us you are praying for us and thinking of us in our journey to add to our family.  Thank you.


  1. Oh Jody, I'm sorry that people are so cruel. People just don't know the meaning of walk a mile in thier shoes anymore. You have every right to want another child. How could you not after what we've been through. These people don't seem like the kind of people I'd want in my life. I say delete or block them and move on. I have a few people like this in my life and it hurts when they make comments like this. I wish I could just "delete or block" them sometimes too. (((HUGS)))

  2. I am so sorry that your news was not met with anything but complete support, I don't know if I have commented before but we are also adopting and have a little boy at home. I am looking forward to following your journey.

  3. you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. Im sorry people are so dumb(sorry, only way to put it)! You are entitled to your feelings, and nobody can tell you that you are wrong. Even though people may go through similar things in life doesn't give them the right to judge because we are all so different, we all handle things our way. What's good/healing for me isn't necessarily good/healing for you, and the other way around. There is no doubt in my mind that you love and cherish both your boys, for anyone to even hint that you don't is SO wrong on their part! You are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

  5. I wish I could have read and responded to some of the comments that were left. You should be thankful for Jake and I think you are, but you cannot control the desire for another child. Someone who has never felt that desire and had it left unfulfilled would never understand your feelings and should not assume that they can. Shame on those of you that decided to hurt somebody "out of love" when it was completely unnecessary. The pain Jody and Kris have felt is enough for 2 life times let alone one. The healthy thing to do is to take steps to take charge (with God in the drivers seat) of your life. By doing what you can to adopt you are showing those around you how very wanted this new baby is and how with hard work and strong faith you can make things happen. You are never far from my thoughts and always in my prayers.


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