I Refuse

Sometimes I wonder what exactly I'm doing with this blog. Sometimes I write about babyloss and grief, sometimes I write about adoption, and other times I write about seemingly silly things. I guess that's who I am-- kind of a helter skelter kind of person. For the most part, I feel comfortable with that because I know that everyone goes through different seasons in their life. And for me, I'm in the season of "all over the place." But in a GOOD way because I feel like I am making great progress through it all!

Today was such a happy day for me. Our babylost ministry just unveiled a new project- something that I am so excited about. No sooner had I posted it on the blog and on our Facebook page when I happened to glance down at my blog reading list to see a horrible blogpost from a friend of mine. She had just found out for the SECOND time that her baby was again going to be silently born. I, of course, was immediately in tears- a mixture of sadness, horror, and disbelief that this could be happening to her AGAIN.

As the evening progressed some new revelations came to me. To be honest, from time to time I have wondered if our babylost ministry is really worth all the effort. I have wondered why it is that so few people are willing to help us with it- especially those who know first hand the loss we have been through and what this ministry means to us. I wonder why people are so uncomfortable discussing the loss of a child and why they cannot see how badly these families are hurting?
And then I wonder if what we do is really helping people? What is it about, anyway? Has it unknowingly turned into a competition with other babylost organizations? Does it really matter if I don't get 400 LIKES on our Facebook page?

If so...then SHAME on me for losing focus of what this organization is really about. It's not about who can have the most LIKES, or the most comments, or the most projects going on. It's about people like my friend-- who I never would have even MET had she not received one of our Remembrance Baskets in the hospital the last time she lost the child of her dreams. It's about breaking the silence and making people aware that losing a child is REAL and can happen to ANYONE at ANY time. It's about having some compassion, and making a difference. It's about making beauty rise up from out of the painful ashes of the loss of a child. It's about making sure that no mother EVER has to be wheeled out of the hospital to her car without something in her arms to hold. And finally, it's about doing what I know I was called to do- for the rest of my life.

Lyrics to a brand new song by Josh Wilson that I heard today called "I Refuse"-- you can hear him sing it on YouTube.

Sometimes I,



I just want to close my eyes


And act like everyone’s alright


When I know they’re not.


This world needs God


But it’s easier to stand and watch.


I could pray a prayer and just move on


Like nothing’s wrong.






But I refuse.






‘Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care.


I don’t want to say another empty prayer.


Oh, I refuse to


Sit around and wait for someone else


To do what God has called me to do myself.


Oh, I could choose


Not to move but I refuse.


God help me to keep my focus--