With a Thankful Heart

Yes, I do realize that Thanksgiving has passed! Since I didn't get a chance to blog before our trip to my sister's house, I thought I would sit down and do it now.

Last year's Thanksgiving I didn't think I had one thing to be thankful for. Kris and I had just finished yet another failed fertility treatment the first part of Nov. 2007. Since this was our last treatment, we were pretty devastated. Little did we know that God had other plans just three months later. As most of you know, those plans consisted of our conceiving a child for the first time with no medical intervention. And, of course, we all know how it turned out. So, this Thanksgiving was even worse than the one previous, for obvious reasons. I thought, how can I be thankful when my child has died? I DO NOT FEEL THANKFUL!!

Then I went to church and heard Pastor Mike speak on "An Unthankful Heart". He pointed out that a person who has an unthankful heart is almost always a bitter person. I pondered that for several days and decided to sit down and think about something I could be thankful for IN SPITE OF the difficult trial that has occurred in our lives this past year. So here we go:

• I am thankful for my family and friends.
• I am thankful for my husband and children.
• I am thankful for my salvation.
• I am thankful for the chance I got to be pregnant; there are so many still battling with infertility.
• I am thankful for 28 weeks of getting to know my son and feel him live inside me.
• I am thankful I got to hold my son- many ladies who lost babies a few years ago were not allowed to even SEE their children, much less hold them.
• I am thankful for the nurses in the hospital who treated our baby like he was normal and alive. They talked to him, held him carefully, dressed him up in every outfit imaginable, and gave us all they could to remember him by.
• I am thankful for my Csection- because I have a scar to remember where my son was for the rest of my life.
• I am thankful for everyone who held our baby and celebrated his arrival- because every baby deserves to be loved and celebrated. I am thankful for all those who would have held our baby if they could have been there.
• I am thankful for all those who told us our little boy was beautiful.
• I am thankful for everyone who took care of us during our time of need- and who STILL ask what they can do to help.
• I am thankful for those who remember-- I received a box in the mail this week from a close friend of mine. In it were two Christmas ornaments for our tree. Both were little s'mores-- little marshmallows with smily faces, sitting on top of a chocolate piece and a graham cracker. One of them had angel wings and a halo above its head. When I was pregnant with Grant, I craved s'mores. Lots and lots of s'mores- couldn't get enough. This friend remembered that, and so sent me the ornaments. One is for Jake, and the angel s'more is for Grant. She said, "to remember all the good times we had with Grant while he was here." So thankful for friends who remember and honor Grant's little life.
• I am thankful for every person who emailed, sent cards, letters, money, gifts, and meals, etc. to our house. Everything everyone did to help make our lives a little brighter.
• I am thankful for prayers.
• And I am thankful that there is a HEAVEN. We will see little Grant again- and he will thank you all himself for loving him and celebrating his life.

As I made this list a few days before Thanksgiving, I shed many tears. Tears of sadness, but yet tears of rememberance, and of joy. No matter what we are going through, no matter how bad it is, YES! there is ALWAYS something we can find to be thankful for. Always blessings in every trial.

As we approach the Christmas season, let us continue to reflect on our blessings. I will admit I'm not looking forward to Christmas without our little angel at all- and we ask that you will keep us in prayer in the coming days. But we will celebrate the birth of One very special baby, the One Who has made it possible for our little one to live with Him and for us to be reunited forever.

For that, I will always be thankful.