Friday, July 31, 2009


AUGUST...just the mention of the word in the last couple of weeks has made my stomach hurt. How can it be August again already?! In the beginning, the days and weeks of constant grief seemed to be never ending; and yet looking back the months seem to have flown by. I am not sure this makes much sense, but then again nothing makes much sense once you have lost a child.

How is it that one can dread something so much and yet hope that it is over
with quickly? I feel like I am partly stuck in the past, and partly wanting to move forward in my life. I wonder if it will feel better not to have to say "well, last year at this time..."
For now, I will concentrate on getting through each day of August, just as I have the last 11 months. At this moment I am still wondering just how we will commemorate Grant's birthday. I guess I am already past the obvious- you know, the "I wish Grant was here so that we could have a normal 'Happy First Birthday' party". Blah blah blah, I sometimes get sick of hearing myself. That being said, how do I honor my little guy's life, and celebrate the 28 weeks that he was here with us? I don't know all the details yet, other than the fact we are goin
g to have another balloon release. This seems to help Jacob, because he really thinks he is sending them straight to his brother. In fact, he wants Grant to have a special giant mylar Mickey Mouse balloon for his birthday. (I think this one we will tie to Grant's resting place) In any case, I will let you know when we make a decision on what else to do.

On a lighter note, we got a call from our friend and neighbor Shelley asking us if we were interested in a trip to the zoo this evening. Admission is much cheaper in the evening, and they have a whole different thing going on then what they do during the day. With my handy dandy "Buy one admission and get a second admission free" coupon in my hand we were off to see the animals. I have decided that there are a couple of good reasons for going to the zoo in the evening- first, its not as blazing hot; and second, because the crowds are smaller. The first thing we did was feed the giraffes.
For $3 per person you get to feed the giraffe two lettuce leaves and a food pellet. (in other words, this is something you only want to do once because it's a ridiculous price) Jake and Haylee enjoyed it though, so I tried not to grumble too much. Then we walked around and looked at some other animals. Oh- another good reason to go to the zoo at night- the animals are actually awake! Check out these shots I got of the lions! The female was perched up on this big rock-and the male was sitting even closer to us, looking all kingly and regal. Of course, as soon as we turned to leave he opened his mouth in a big yawn!

After this we took the kids to the water activities- the splash pad and water slides. We then finished up the night at the bounce houses and the carousel. All in all, it was a fun and relaxing time. The kids
should sleep soundly tonight!


  1. Jody, Thoughts of you are heavy on my heart thinking about your next milestone you have to pass.

    One idea that I had recently is to buy a small box with Jody's name on it (like a jewerly box). As each of us have thoughts we wish we could share with him or something we want to say we can place small notes in it for him.

    Also maybe Jake might want to color a picture to place on one of the balloons you release. Sending notes to Heaven...

    Peace be with you...


  2. Hi Jody, I guess we don't know each other, but we know each others pain. I read your comment on my blog...the big picture....this years death anniversary approaching. It is comforting or something like comfort I guess, to know someone else is sick of themselves, sick of this grief, sick of it. My email, if you want to share more. May God keep us in His hands close to our babies.


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