Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Welcome to Holland

We attended our third adoption class last night.  Since I am pressed for time today, this post will be in a couple parts.  We covered quite a bit of ground in last night's class and enjoyed a lot of discussion.  The first segment kind of picked up from last week's topic of infertility, and how to cope with those emotions and issues that can resurface from time to time.

Infertility sucks.  For those of you who do not like that word, I apologize; however, it is the best word to describe the awful feelings that infertility brings.  At some point, I'd like to start a support group for those affected by this unwelcome visitor but for now I'll just give you an analogy that even those who are not affected by infertility can relate too.  My hope is that those of you who aren't personally affected, will be able to possess more compassion and patience towards those who are.


by Emily Pearly Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising an adopted child after infertility; It's like this...

When you're planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. you buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!" you say, "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy!"

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland, and there you must stay.  The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horribly, disgusting, filthy place. It's just a different place.

It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for awhile and you catch your breath, you look around and begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tuplips, Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is bragging about what a wonderful time they had in Italy. And for the rest of your life, you wil say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

As for me, I'd like to personally say, that just because Kris and I are adopting, it does not mean that we are no longer affected by our feelings of infertility.  It will always be difficult.  We were blessed with a gift and he was literally ripped from our arms. We would love it so much if we could get pregnant again, just like the majority of our friends; and our angel mommy friends who are able to conceive again.  We will always have that hurt, that pain. But, if we spend the rest of our lives grieving this pain, this loss, than we could never move forward to enjoy God's plan for our lives- that special little one who will come to us through the miracle of adoption.  We covet your continued prayers on our behalf.

1 comment:

  1. That's an excellent analogy Jody! Though I don't suffer from infertility, I feel like I am pretty compassionate towards those who do. One of my very best friends has been trying to get pregnant for almost 2 years now, and it's hard to watch her get her hopes up then be let down month after month. But that analogy helped me to further understand what it's like for you guys. I'm really sorry you guys have to travel that road. And i'm sure it does suck! Losing a baby sucks!!! Some things in life can only be described as sucky!!! Some people will never understand the things that suck, and they are lucky!


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